Today it is 31 years since dad was called away, and today I reflect on what he instilled in me whether knowingly or not.
This year I feel his closeness more than ever. Looking back at my 21st birthday photos, my graduation photos, and Campbelltown show society gala ball photos, it struck me how dad was there for me at those key milestones in my life, despite how seriously ill he was.
Who was to know 12 months almost to the day after my 21st birthday, and just over 6 months after my graduation from university, dad was to pass away? Yet dad was by my side, his resilience, and quiet determination to not give up was part of who he was.
This year, as I potter with my garden and seedlings, as I face my own health issues and prep for surgery, I feel his presence stronger than ever. I know he is still there for us all in our hours of need and comfort (wherever he is, no doubt digging in his “garden”)
Dad was a kind, humble and compassionate person who loved his children and grandchildren greatly. For me, these are the ways how dad shaped who I am today by:
💚 his love of nature and gardening – there is nothing so delightful as fruit and veg straight from the ground or tree.
💚 his ability to forgive others and hold the door open for possibilities
💚 his sense of humour (no prizes for where I have inherited my bonkerness from).
💚 his sense of patience and compassion for people who struggle with mental health issues
💚 his ability to see the beautiful qualities inside a person
💚 living a non materialistic life.
💚 teaching me the importance to research and view all sides of an ‘argument’/situation (how many different editions and publications of the daily newspapers did dad bring home every evening?)
💚 teaching me that life is not always fair, but it is how you develop resilience, and maintain your dignity, determination and compassion that matters
💚 understanding my own struggles with self-doubt and lack of belief in myself. He always believed in me, and to this day, I carry with me words of encouragement he wrote me.
💚 my love of reading and history
💚 encouraging me to be who I am, and not lose sight of that
💚 giving me the strength to stretch my wings and fly
💚 to see the funny/sunny side of things when life gets challenging
💚 having the strength to stand by the courage of my convictions
The list could go on and on, and although dad has not physically been by my side for almost all of my significant milestones and important times in my adult life, I know his spirit has continued to walk alongside me., across three countries and multiple experiences.
I’m sure dad was by my side as I played touch rugby once at 3am in Trafalgar Square, London, wearing my kitten heels with a bunch of Scottish lads. Or, when I rode a non electric scooter down a mountain trail in Switzerland past a bunch of cows (its called trottibike https://www.jungfrau.ch/en-gb/grindelwaldfirst/trottibike-scooter/) I’m sure he would have done the same 😂
I guess, this poem by M.S. Moem best sums up how I am feeling today when I think of dad
‘I think of things you used to say
And all that you would do.
At some point, every single day,
My thoughts will turn to you.
To lose you was such a bitter wrench,
The pain cut to my core.
I cried until my tears ran out
And then I cried some more.
This wouldn’t be your wish for me
That I’d be forever sad.
So I try to remind myself
Of the happy times we had.
I know I can’t be with you now
And you can’t be with me.
But safe inside my heart you’ll stay
That’s where you’ll always be.’ ~ M.S. Moem
I hope when dad looks down from above, he understands and is proud of the difference I’m trying to make for others 🙏
Will always love you dad ❤️🕊🕊
Jenn Barfield - Holistic Career Development Coaching 