Oh my goodness – I just have to share this happy dance moment!
Have you ever doubted yourself and felt insecure about people think about you? I have, and still do sometimes – Imposter Syndrome tries to sneak in whenever it can!
With gala evenings, balls and dirndl wearing occasions to really look forward to over the coming months, this afternoon I started to think about what to wear to the first black tie gala evening in September. These will be great networking opportunities, and I’m really looking forward to face to face interactions after Melbourne’s long lockdowns after the last two years.
I was sharing outfit choices with my friend from work (pretty sure I’ll wear my black lace cocktail dress), but I saw one of my ball dresses and a few other formal and cocktail dresses from back in the day, and all of a sudden emotions I thought had long been buried came to the surface.
I don’t know what made me do it, as I never thought I’d wear them again, and was getting ready to donate the dresses to charity, but today I seriously shocked myself by not only trying these two dresses on, but discovering they fit (a couple of more kilos to lose, and they will be great in a few months for long summer evening cocktail functions on rooftop balconies). For what seemed like an eternity, I didn’t realise it was myself standing there.
I really miss the formal events and Mess functions that were part of the military community life with the British Forces in UK and Germany. I still love that gorgeous green formal gown another military spouse leant me in Germany.
I haven’t worn these in 17 years – since I had met my former husband (the one with the asymmetrical shoulder I wore to my first military summer Mess function), believing I never would wear again, but were always my ‘hope’ dresses.
It’s a funny thing what PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), and long term stress / elevated cortisol levels can have on your body. Taking it one day at a time, but slowly like a tortoise, my body is healing itself. I am also learning to be kind to myself and take the time to recover from COVID-19
My personal confidence had been completely knocked to the ground over the years. People make judgement calls about a persons appearance, without knowing the facts, and without bothering to get to know the person as a whole person. I was told by my partner that I was not attractive enough, and that I had ‘let myself go’. This really impacted my sense of self-worth not only in my personal life, but had spilled over into my professional life.
Being a former military spouse who gave up my career to support my former husband’s career and postings, also took it’s toll on my confidence as I struggled with loss of self-identity. For such a long time I would find myself saying “I’m a teacher, but I’m not teaching at the moment” if someone asked me what I did in terms of work. I really struggled with identifying my sense of self.
This is where having a really great small support network of friends and my sister have helped me to regain my sense of who I am. Action for Happiness Calendars and Daily Actions like this months calendar also have helped with my holistic healing.
I’m loving regaining my health and wellbeing, and feel that I’m ready for stepping towards the next chapter of my life.
I love my dirndl that has arrived – no pictures being publicly shared of that at the moment. I’m looking forward to being brave and stepping out of my comfort zone with amazing https://www.facebook.com/chloepedleyphotography/ and her photo shoot we are planning for my dirndl (once I’m a little bit less Casper the Ghost looking I still get tired after COVID-19, but compare to what other people have gone through and continue to go through, I’m grateful to be recovering)
All in all, life is looking good